Gaslighting is meant to make someone their puppet.
Source: https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/gaslighting
Millennials might have heard the term 'Gaslighting' quite often, all thanks to social media. Gaslighting is a term used to refer to psychologically abusive behaviour which makes a person think they are crazy and have lost their sanity. This is also known as Narcissism.
Gaslighting is used to gain control over people in various ways. People manipulate the victim by lying, countering and making them question their thoughts and their memory. It works like a slow poison- the victim does not even realize they've been brainwashed to the extent that they become completely dependent on their abuser.
Thankfully, as a lot of literature is available in mainstream media and also the internet, toxic behaviour has been studied scientifically by many researchers and doctors all over the world. Gaslighting is a toxic form of psychological abuse which has long-term psychological repercussions on the victims like anxiety and depression.
To formulate ways to safely exit a situation involving gaslighting, one needs to understand the signs of gaslighting. Here are some signs that one is being gaslighted:
i. The abuser usually accuses the victim of lying or making things up.
ii. Victims are ignored when they try to voice their concerns.
iii. Belittle victims' concerns branding them as trivial and accusing them of overreacting.
iv. Brush the victim's assertions saying they're simply confusing or not making sense.
v. Falsely accusing the victim constantly that they're imagining things or have incorrect memory.
vi. Denying having said or done things.
A Summary of what Gaslighting looks like.
Source: https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-gaslighting-5074703
Thus said, there are ways in which a victim can recognize the signs of gaslighting and take steps to set themselves afloat from this situation.
i. Make sure it is gaslighting: Gaslighting is not easy to spot initially and thus it needs a deeper introspection. Try to focus on how you feel when you suspect being gaslit. A victim might feel confused, doubt themselves, apologize constantly, struggle in decision making and be generally unhappy. If these signs are persistent from a set of incidents following a particular pattern, then it might be gaslighting.
ii. Jot down things: First and foremost, a victim of gaslighting needs to keep a sense of reality. It is wise to keep a secret diary and jot down each small incident, activity along with the date and time. It is best to keep this journal hidden so that the abuser cannot destroy this important piece of evidence.
iii. Record voice: During a potential argument or a repeating situation where you know there is bound to be an exchange of words when you can be gaslit once again, you can keep the voice recorder on secretly. Also, it is a good practice to record the statements of the abuser when they make some promises so that you can keep a record of those and use it when finally making a revelation of their toxic behaviour.
iv. Take some time: Documenting these events may be stressful. Also, during an event of ongoing gaslighting, you should remain calm and focus elsewhere to save your mental peace. Try counting slowly to 10 or just go out for a walk. This will help you to refocus and stay calm. This is necessary to save your energy as it is very tempting to refute the abuser right away, but staying calm helps you to save your faith in yourself.
v. Speak up about the behaviour: Speaking up for what is wrong is necessary. But in this case, the abuser might use this as a clue that their efforts to gain control are working. Instead, you can try and speak up in a way to show that their efforts are not going to work on you at all. Also, speaking up to make others aware of such behaviour makes the abuser leave you alone in future.
vi. Stick to your version of events: No matter how many times the abuser repeats that an event occurred otherwise than what you've been stating, stick to your version of the event. Giving in to the abuser's version will give them a sign that their tricks are working because when you'll be confused, you will easily give in to the abuser's words. If the abuser tries to manipulate you by repeating the same thing over and over again, try the old school method. Write down your version in your secret diary 10 times to assert the truth to yourself. It is best to stop arguing with the abuser in such cases because they won't stop their behaviour anyways.
vii. Practice Self-Care: Prolonged gaslighting might harm your health mentally and sometimes physically too. Make time for yoga and meditation as it helps to keep your mind calm and sharp at the same time. To counter gaslighting tactics, you may practice positive self-talk. This will help to reinforce strength and remind you of the accomplishments in life. Practising daily affirmations first thing in the morning and throughout the day will help you to keep the strength and happy spirit.
viii. Seek Professional Help: Finally, as gaslighting and emotional abuse can be harmful to mental health to the extent that affects one's daily life, one must seek professional help. Therapists and counsellors specializing in handling similar cases can better understand your situation and give tips and much needed external affirmation and support.
Keeping this in mind, if you find someone being gaslit near you, do not hesitate to reach out and share this piece to help them fight their battle.